At this point I’m feeling a bit more bummed than I’m used to (or maybe I’m numb?). I haven’t done this in a while, but I’m trying to push away everyone, even if they don’t realize I’m doing it. I’m keeping people at certain distances and I’m being mean to people who don’t deserve it and are probably wondering what’s going on… ha, maybe they don’t even care… I don’t know. I just feeling like I’m spiraling down; there’s no way out.
In hindsight, I am saving people from having to deal with my drama and my bullshit. I can’t exactly pinpoint what’s wrong or why I feel the way I feel. I don’t deserve to have anyone, and I don’t deserve to be with anyone. Maybe that’s my fate.