Thoughts

Sometimes I want to disappear

A lot of problems have been arising, and I don’t know how to deal with any of them. There’s the matter of my academic stuff, then there are family problems, and then my failing love life… I just don’t have the strength or the energy to deal with anything. In fact, I don’t even want to deal with anything. Does that make me selfish? Does that make me a bad person? I’m just so tired of putting my all into everything – I have nothing left for me. I give and I try and I do things for everyone, but for what? For nothing.

I have so much poison in my soul – it’s barely recognizable now. I tried so, so, so hard to get away from the person that I was. I tried to become a better person; I tried to become a person that I could be proud of, but here I am. Lost, confused, alone. How do you get back from this? How do you love yourself when all you see are your flaws? I just want to be a better version of me; but who could that be?

I’ve made so many mistakes. Some I’ve tried to fix, others I just let be. But what do you do when you feel like your entire existence is a mistake? I feel as if I shouldn’t even be here at all… Oh well. All in due time, I guess. All in due time.

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